pearls: pearls: i touched a dick once and it was the scariest thing in my life because it had a really cold head and i don’t know it wasn’t fun sometimes the ‘i’ and ‘u’ shouldn’t be so close on the keyboard
tardisity: The oldest person alive was born on April 19, 1897, meaning that April 18th, 1897 was approximately the last time the Earth was inhabited by an entirely different set of people and if you don’t think that’s the realist shit ever then you can get right on outta town.
sweeneytad: *dentist slaughters family in front of you* they’re bleeding because you don’t floss
fatwink: BOYS HAVE SOCIETAL PRESSURES TOO AND ANYONE THAT SAYS OTHERWISE IS WRONG GOODBYE yessss
catswithbenefits: reblog if you love pizza or crystal meth
kushroom: so you’re saying I can win 5 iphones every day??? and all I have to do is give my credit card number on this website I’ve never heard about??? well slam me in my tender butthole sir you’ve just got yourself a deal
snarg: truth or dare more like preform a strange sexual act or tell me who you like
sexhaver: boredlord: What do teens like?!? Is it memes? Memes about skeletons? Piss? Communism? this post is 20x funnier if you imagine a CEO shouting it at his board of directors
kill-natalie: surimistick: i was making a lot of mistakes and then my archery instructor said: “you make mistakes because you’re focusing on the target and not on your actions” and i was like woah thanks for giving me the best life advice i’ve ever gotten I just said “that’s brilliant” aloud.
hipsterinatardis: Naps are tricky because you either wake up refreshed and relaxed or you have a headache, dry throat, and are unaware of what year you’re in. It always seems to be the second situation
Reblog if your mom is beautiful.
How the sky would look if the planets were as...
lumos5000: c-parks: robmcdon: spongebobsimonpants: kellyeatworld: guceubcuesu: Moon… Mercury… Venus… Mars… Jupiter… Saturn… Uranus… Neptune… JUPITER. Holy fuck What about if Earth had rings? What would that look like this is like porn i love space Gallifrey…
If you don't think history is amusing, you clearly...
pure-blood-idjit-of-gallifrey: castiel-is-a-assbutt: Zis if from mein spring collection
madturbating: today in theater someone asked my friend if he was pro gay and he was like “im not pro gay but im not amateur gay either”
lusture: lusture: omg I’m at work and a group of like 13 year old girls come in and order their lattes or whatever and one girl is like can you Instagram this with all our names on it? and her friend is like ya totally and so I may have put a q in the middle of all of their names so they got their coffee and were like “omg what the hell we can’t take a picture of this” Im literally the worst...